Yes, this is another “Dear Diary” type post. Yes, I have become a typical gen-y female whining constantly about her love life (or lack there of). Yes, I know it is extremely annoying. Yes, I know, I am probably the reason I am still single.
Okay, I have to do a blog post about my date, so I can get it off my chest, and move on with my day. After taking a major break from online dating, I decided to re-activate my OkCupid profile a few weeks ago. So last night, I met up with a fellow that I had been chatting with online.
I have to say I never really understood what people meant when they said you have to be open to dating, but I totally get it now. Looking back, I think a lot of my past dating experiences failed because I was super closed off. I felt uncomfortable, and it totally showed.
Okay, so now on to my date. Hanging out wasn’t terrible. We had a lot in common, sorta. I could totally be friends with this guy, but I am not sure it could evolve into more. I didn’t feel a “spark” right away.
The reason I hate online dating is you immediately have to decide: relationship or nothing. Is that natural? I think online dating is good because it introduces you to a whole new world of possibilities. However, from my past experiences, I have seen that telling someone you met online that you want to be friends first, usually doesn’t work. I do believe that developing a friendship is the only way to really create a long lasting relationship.
The point of this post isn’t to really talk about my date from yesterday. My real question to the Interweb is: Do people grow on you? Or is there an instantaneous spark? What makes you want to go on a second date?
Oh and also, everyone has things you probably aren’t going to like…so how do you decided which things are complete deal breakers?
My rule of thumb is always give someone two chances, especially when online dating. Mostly because people are usually nervous. Maybe this is wrong…ugh, I DON’T KNOW.
it’s so funny, i just left a novel of a comment on another blog about online dating. one, i’m really glad you’re sharing this experience. it’s brave and can be really helpful to put it out there. two, i think you hit so many nails on the head with what you’ve covered here. yes, you have to be open to dating. no, there isn’t always a spark, even though you want there to be. does that mean there’s no potential? maybe, but not always. one of the guys i went on a date with was my 99% match on OKC and we got along fine, sent the “had a great time last night!” text the next day, and then neither of us ever contacted the other again. it wasn’t a bad date, but clearly neither of us felt a greater connection. on the other hand, there were a couple of guys that i had lackluster first dates with, but i went out with them again to see where it went. if the first date was over dinner, maybe do something more active the second time to loosen things up a bit. walking the greenbelt, going to the dog park, walking town lake, etc. then, if you’re still not feeling it, it’s completely acceptable to let it fizzle. it’s normal for the person being fizzled on to feel a little hurt (just like if it were happening to you) but you both are on there for a reason and it’s okay to move forward and keep looking without being hung up on someone you don’t have a spark with just because you went on a couple of dates.
wow, another novel comment about OKC. sorry about that! i hope it was helpful!
xo nicole