Let me just start off by apologizing because I don’t really know where this post is going. Normally, when I sit down to write something, I have an outline of what I am going to say. However, this time I am just going to ramble because I need to get something off my chest.
The question I have is: Why are we (as in gen-y girls) all so obsessed with dating (or our lack there of)?
Myself included, I feel like there is this big, scary cloud hanging over my head because I am probably going to end up a spinster. It is something I think about way more than I would ever like to admit.
Yesterday, I hung out with a friend in Chicago, and she was telling me about her dating woes. I felt like I was have a serve case of déjà vu because hours early I was having the very same convo on Facebook with a friend in California. It is always about the same story: the guy never called, the terrible first date, and the flat out fear that we are going to be alone forever. When these things happen, we are always left figuring out why we weren’t good enough. Smart enough. Pretty enough. Skinny enough. Funny enough. Whatever it may be.
These conversations make me sad because it is almost like being single is the ultimate sign of failure. Nothing else that we accomplish is really fulfilling if we don’t find a significant other along the way.
I feel like a hypocrite because I want to devote my life to financially empowering women, yet I worry about becoming a spinster too. Yes, I totally try to be a strong, independent woman that doesn’t give a fuck. Yet, I check my phone a million times throughout the day to see if a certain someone has texted me. Yes, my mood completely changes when I do get that text (or my mood dampens when I never get the text). Yes, I will the universe to make the stars align so the guy I met at the bar last night asks me out. And when it doesn’t happen, I find myself wondering what I did wrong.
Why does becoming a spinster seem to be the most damning fate? There are real problems in the world.
Sometimes, I become my own worst enemy, and allow the fact that I am single (and quite frankly have no real prospects) cloud everything else I have going on in my life. I have to force myself to step back and realize how ridiculous and ungrateful I am being. I have a great life with tons of people that really do love me. Why am I so fixated on the one thing I am lacking in life?
I am just SO damn exhausted by the whole topic of dating. I have decided to swear off dating till the end of the year: I am tired of playing the games, I am tired of going on dates, I am tired of hinting that I am interested. Instead of worrying about this all, I am going to focus my attention on improving all of the things I do have in my life. If I happen to cross paths with someone in the process and it works; then, GREAT! If not, I have to find a way to still be happy.
And if I do end up a spinster, so be it, there are bigger problems in the world…
Yes, I think sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is take a complete break. It’s amazing how freeing that can be. I literally just found out that the first of my really close friends is getting married. I already knew they were engaged, but now there’s an actual vague date of September 2015. Somehow I’m not ready for the onslaught of married friends and friends living with significant others and BABIES.
Just yesterday I made a list of all the awesome things in my life and the things I want. The awesome list was far longer than the other list, but it still gets you down. Two eternal curses on women: poor body image and feeling like a failure if you don’t have a monogamous relationship. Can we ever escape?