Stop with the Girl Envy

Marine wives of TBS Bravo Company 2013 with the First Lady of the Marine Corp

This weekend was the Marine Corp Birthday Ball, which has me thinking about a couple of the most important groups in my life right now: The men and women who serve our country (Happy Veteran’s Day and Happy Birthday, Marines) and the amazing group of military spouses I have around me.

I’ve actually been thinking about writing this post for quite a while, but it starts in…well, a darker place. A place we can all relate to as women. A place we really need to make a habit of staying away from, but social media doesn’t make it easy.

I’m talking about that sneaky bitch, envy, and for me personally I’m talking about wife envy, but I know we all experience it in our varying circles of girls. A fantastic writer and friend really nailed the sentiment in this blog post recently.

Let me start from the beginning…
When my husband started training in Virginia, I stayed living in our Austin home for several months where everything and everyone was familiar to me until my lease was up. Over that time I had brief moments of feeling like maybe I was out of the loop, but was grateful for my remaining time at home and for building some career experience. Really I just wanted to be reunited with my other half and when I was finally able to, it was such a relief! After settling in to a new life in Virginia I realized that the other spouses who already moved there had bonded together. I was, thankfully, welcomed into social outings quickly so that I could catch up on all that I missed.

Getting into a group of wives who are in the same boat as me made me simultaneously excited and panicked. Initial thoughts at my first social outing probably went something like this: Everyone seems so friendly! Look at all this cute food everyone brought. Hmm, I wonder if their husbands know who my husband is? Do I sound like a bitch when I talk? They all know so much more about what’s going on than I do! Everyone seems like such great friends, I’ll forever be the outcast!!! 

And then came round two of getting acquainted with the Marine wives. The Facebook mass-adding and stalking. Here’s where my brain goes amiss and suddenly every thought is selfish and detrimental: OMG, she’s so much prettier. How does she have such an awesome career? How does she find time to cook and bake all that? She and her husband are always doing such cool things…no fair no fair, I suck I suck. I hate them.

Whoa, calm down, Claire. I couldn’t help it. I left my job and was finally getting back to wife life, and suddenly I felt like I wasn’t doing it right. Seeing everyone in all of their social media glory made me second guess what I was doing. Could I be improving on my appearance, cooking, date night with the “hubby” (a cutsie word I really have actually come to hate BTW), harpooning for a kickass job?

If you didn’t open that blog post in a new tab that I linked to up there, do it. Amy has a wonderful way with words and is saying what you’re thinking with every stupid selfie you scroll through. But, as she’ll tell you, it’s time to cut that shit out. Quit stewing at the computer and do something for yourself!

In my case, the best way to counteract all this negative mental activity was to get out there with them more and more. Because people are much better in real life. When you take the time to bond and not worry about what you’re going to post or see next, something pretty awesome happens. Suddenly, I love gushing over my friends with the great style. I want to ask them how they made such awesome cookies/dinner/crafty things. I want them to nail that job interview, and brag about the awesome career they’ve made.

We’ve built a sweet, supportive community with each other. Something there may not be enough of these days.

How often do you find yourself wishing you had what others do?