I’m guest writing this blog for Neon Notebook to ask the eternal question: do the crazy girls get the guy?
As a recently-hired Cosmo writer (ahem, humble brag), I feel like I should have at least some sense of how all of this shit works, but let me tell you the truth: I am a disaster with everything related to dating and guys. (Thankfully for you all, I mostly write about fashion…)
A recent real-life event (names changed, because, like, that’s hella awkward to give out the identity of this poor girl) prompted a long-winded gchat with Bekah, which ultimately led to us reflecting on past instances (both our own and friends’) and trying to come up with a rhyme and reason of WHEN and HOW relationships actually work out.
Here’s the situation: my best guy friend recently slept with this girl. They had met a handful of times prior, never gone on a date, and essentially the hook-up (at least, to me) sounded like not much more than a late-night booty call. Now, a few days after this happens, this girl – let’s call her Sarah – is contacting this guy, talking to him and treating him like they are in a relationship. Whether or not he’s actually given her indication that that’s what he wants, I can’t be sure (we don’t know *everything* about our besties, after all), but I have reason to believe that he hasn’t. So, that’s a bit cray, right?
Before I go any further, let me also just clarify that this is not to say that I am not equally as crazy when it comes to overanalyzing sex and guys and why they call and why they don’t, but I usually do this BEHIND CLOSED DOORS. I am sure as hell not chasing after anyone that I have any reason to believe isn’t into me… In fact, I go out of my way to appear like I am NOT as crazy as I actually am on gchat with my best friend (sorry for that, by the way, Beks).
However, upon reflecting, Bekah and I came to the realization that more often than not, a lot of the girls that we have seen acting like this — what we deem to be a bit crazy and desperate — are *actually* the most successful.
Is it because they are going after they want? Wearing down the guy? Pestering him into submission? Do guys like the unpredictability of the crazy girl? It’s hard to know.. but one thing is for sure, the whole playing it too cool attitude sure hasn’t been working for me in the past.
So, here is my eternal question that I am posing to you all out there on the interwebs: Are these girls that we see as acting a bit irrationally and (again, for lack of a better word) crazy *ACTUALLY* the ones who are playing the game correctly? Should you sleep with a guy and assume you’re dating to then will it into actually happening? Is playing it cool and casual actually (gasp) the wrong tactic after all?
Guys, weigh in. Seriously. This shit is confusing as hell.
Katie Amey is a writer at Cosmopolitan UK, where she writes about fashion, beauty and sex (DUH! It is Cosmo after all). Find her at @KatieAmey.
Maybe it’s not so much about being cray, though I DEFINITELY am that. What I’ve found is I’ve had the most success with men and people in general when I’m unapologetically myself. In my most recent (6 months should mean it just might be) successful relationship, things started rolling when I was just that. Myself, at that time in my life, happened to be the girl who flew two states away from home to visit her “friend” and walks out the airport mind blowingly drunk in an attempt to (get this) NOT be awkward about the crush that I had on him. That one somehow worked for me. Maybe he thought that was cute, or he enjoys having someone around who keeps him on his toes. But as a general rule I think it is absolutely endearing when anyone lets their walls down (even if this is helped by a few airline cocktails) and allows themselves to be seen by others.