Six weeks after her thirtieth birthday in 2005, Shannon Moroney’s life was perfect. She had a rewarding career as a high school guidance counselor and was on her way up in education leadership. She owned her first home in a small community that she loved, was involved in meaningful volunteer work, and had a wide circle of family and friends. Best of all, she had just married her soul mate, Jason, after already living together for two years.
Then, while away at a conference, a knock at her hotel room door changed everything. It was a police officer, there to tell her that her home was a crime scene and that Jason was in custody after confessing to the kidnapping and brutal sexual assault of two women.
Shannon’s memoir, Through the Glass, was first published in Canada in 2011, where it became an instant national bestseller, the subject of extensive media coverage, and a nominee for several awards. In 2012, it was published in the USA, UK, Australia and throughout the English-speaking world.
Unknowingly, Shannon says she spent her twenties preparing herself to handle the trauma in a positive way. Here are three things she thinks are important for every young woman to do:
1. Know your values and live highly in them.
Leaving home in your late teens or early twenties—whether for post-secondary education, a job, or to travel—is the perfect time to really get to know your personal values. What really means the most to you? What drives you as an individual? Is it being innovative, feeling secure, achieving success or living adventurously? Go on a date with yourself and re-take the personality assessments and morality quizzes you were forced to take in high school Careers class. Read books in the self-help section of your library or bookstore and do some of the activities. Engage in therapy or life coaching for fun and to learn—don’t wait until you’re in a crisis. Taking time to know yourself deeply will help you to make decisions that are in line with what you really believe and who you are at your core. No matter what happens or what other people do, you can live peacefully with yourself when you’ve made decisions that reflect your core values.
When I first left home, I found the freedom to really discover who I was beyond the family and school I was raised in. I was also faced with a barrage of decisions and choices that suddenly mattered a whole lot more. I did everything I advise above and by my late twenties, I knew myself and my values very well. When trauma came into my life, I had the strength, confidence and self-possession to handle adversity in the way that was right for me.
The book that opened the door to knowing and loving myself in my twenties:
Succulent Wild Woman: Dancing with your wonder-full self! By SARK
2. Build your resilience.
Life has ups and downs. Sometimes big ones. Developing the ability to navigate these bumps and mountains is more worthwhile than trying to avoid them altogether. The truth is that we have little to no control over what others do, nor over many of the things that happen to us, but we do have a say in how we respond. We can be elastic, or we can snap. We can succumb or overcome. We can reach out for help, or we can isolate ourselves.
The important thing to know about resiliency is that it is a skill-set, not a character trait. It’s something you can build, not something you’re born with. Although I had no idea what was to come in my life, throughout my twenties I was developing the resiliency I would need at thirty.
3. Commit to being a life-long learner.
Travel, learn another language, take a course in something you know nothing about, earn a graduate degree, play a new sport, volunteer in your community or abroad, read non-fiction, watch a foreign film, take charge of your money—just challenge yourself and never stop learning! Education is never a weight on your back. It always opens doors.
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