Okay, so, I’m definitely not an “expert” on friends with benefits, but I’ve had a few situations in my life that have made me familiar with the subject.
Anyway, these kinds of relationships have an expiration date. According to some really prestigious websites (I forgot the name of it) that do experiments on these things, a friends with benefits situation is not supposed to last more than 3 months. Or else the dreaded happens, and someone will get feelings or whatever. Well as the rebel that I am, I refused to believe this, and proceeded to have an on and off again friend with benefits, for oh about 3….years.
In case you didn’t know, when you sleep with someone for a while, feelings are bound to arise (why do I consistently ignore this aspect of life?), but dealing with them like an adult can be… really difficult. Especially, when you aren’t 100% sure about how the other person feels. Since I am shy, I always try to push those feelings aside, and go with the flow like I am the super cool, chill girl who is not bothered by emotions. Don’t do this!! It doesn’t work, unless you really are some sort of mythical fairy that doesn’t get attached. If you are, please tell me how you do it.
My situation was pretty standard in the beginning, you know casual sex whenever it was convenient, no real feelings, and then, it died out. We both moved on for about a year, became pretty good friends, and it eventually started where we left off. Except the 2nd time around it was different: we knew one another better, we were actually friends. Since we were so close, we even were able to tell each other when we liked other people. It was pretty awesome, and I actually was THAT cool girl for a while…so cool that I really didn’t care what he was up to or who he was seeing. Then, I realized I’m 22, I’m old now, I can’t be held down by this infantile crap of trying to care less than the other person.
Not to sound like a hippy, but while I was training to be a yoga instructor, we had to read this book, “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. And let me tell you, it changed my life. Two of the agreements are totally critical for having a successful fuck buddy situation:
1) don’t take things personally
2) don’t make assumptions
However, the latter is good in theory, I am THE QUEEN at making assumptions (if you reply to a text message with a period instead of an exclamation, I assume you hate me, and we can’t be friends anymore). My life revolved around deciphering all of his texts, until I could barely stand being near my phone (come, we have all be there). So, I finally decided to talk to the guy I was sleeping with since I was a teenager, and holy shit! It’s amazing how much better you feel with you just say what’s on your mind. Sure, things ended and I was bummed but, oh well, its so much better than assuming that he liked me cause he didn’t leave in the morning, or sitting around hating him ’cause he didn’t invite me out one night.
So, I know I said don’t take my advice, but maybe you should. Don’t sleep with someone for years before talking to them about how you feel, do that first. Also, don’t ever start up a past fuck-buddy relationship, once it’s over just let it be. Learn from my mistakes!!!
Friends with benefits can be really awesome, if that’s what you are looking for. AND you know that you can completely shut yourself off emotionally. But let’s be real, how often does that happen?
FYI, I’m seeing him again…Oooops…
Caitlin Hatch is a recent graduate of The University of Texas with a degree in government. She has a passion for politics, yoga, and social media. She is currently training to be a yoga instructor through Black Swan Yoga in Austin, TX.
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