Three Things I Wish I Had Known in My 20’s: Elizabeth Ghaffari

Elizabeth Ghaffari has an eclectic career spanning economics, technology, governance, and leadership studies. She is the author of three books on the topics of “how women do succeed – as corporate directors, as leaders in a wide variety of business activities, and how women view mentorship and their roles as mentors or mentees.

In her latest book,  TAPPING THE WISDOM THAT SURROUNDS YOU: Mentorship and Women (Praeger, September 30th), readers will learn how to recognize invaluable mentorship and guidance all around them—from family members, at school, at work, in recreational and social settings, in the media and politics, and even from those who have left us. The true-life stories and testimonials presented will inspire and motivate you to endure, succeed, and prevail.

Here are Elizabeth’s “3 Things”, along with, lessons from her books:

No regrets – only lessons.

The wisest among us have no regrets about the past because they learned something from every experience, whether positive and negative. “If wishes were horses, beggars might ride” is an old English proverb that Muhammad Ali rephrased this way: “A man [or woman] who views the world at 50 the same as he [or she] did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his [or her] life.” What is past is past and cannot be changed. We cannot “un-ring the bell.” Past choices and decisions were based on the best information and experience available to us at that time. The more important question is “What did you learn from that experience?”

That is the premise behind the stories from my latest book, Tapping the Wisdom that Surrounds You: Mentorship and Women. It presents 80-plus stories by and about women who remember experiences that taught them lessons (what to do, what NOT to do); about role models who inspired them; and about books, articles, essays, opinions, and experiences that touched their lives — whether they agreed with them or not.

Fear not “the road less traveled.”

Following the herd stirs up a lot of dust and may take you places you don’t really want to go. Chart your own journey because, after all, your life is uniquely yours. If you do what everyone else is doing, then why would anyone care about you when they could find hundreds (maybe thousands) of others doing the same thing? Focus on what makes you unique. What is the value you add? Where does your competency thrive?

This is the premise behind the research and interviews of my first book, Outstanding in their Field: How Women Corporate Directors Succeed. Most researchers and writers focused on the dearth of women corporate directors, the small share of women in the boardroom, and how few women there were at the top. If there were women who took that “road less traveled” to top corporate leadership, then what were the lessons we could take from the paths they pursued into the boardroom?

There are many challenges we need addressed as a nation, as a generation, as companies and entrepreneurs. Imagine the scope and scale of impact that one role model, Rachel Carson, had on our views of the environment through just her one book, Silent Spring. Can you imagine the impact if each of us focused on our potential for positive change?

Lead, Follow, or Get Out of the Way.

This message has a marvelous way of focusing our attention on our appropriate role in any undertaking. It says – “Choose ONE!” Only one. You cannot do it all. Don’t even try.

First: LEAD! Be prepared to lead . . ALWAYS be ready to be among the few willing to take the first and crucial steps forward out of chaos. Some must lead. And IF you are prepared, then it must be you who leads.

Second: Follow. If you are not in the appropriate position or role to lead, then the next most important contribution you can make is to support those who ARE leading.

Third: If you cannot do either of the above, then at least get out of the way of those who can and are doing so. Do not make their jobs more difficult. Do not become part of the problem. Do not require that they cease leading and following and saving lives. Do not insist that they give you one fraction of a second’s attention which you do NOT deserve if you are neither leading nor following.